Your Bartender
Nick: Maeve
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Friday, April 30, 2004
Okay, the one thing I did NOT miss while Jack was gone was his gas. It never ceases to amaze me the noxious fumes that emit from that dog's ass.
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
I picked up Jack today from the vet. Then I dropped Pudd'n off at Grandma land. My mom made us a roast complete with carrots & potatoes. Cool! I can go home, get Jack all set up and take a MUCH needed nap. Yeah, right.
I get home and fucking Goat puppy found a potted plant to drag in through the dog door. Chewed plastic pot & dirt every where. He some how got a hold of my husband's short, my sweat pants and slippers to add to the mix. It took everything I had not to beat the ever living shit out of him. It beats a half eaten dead pidgeon any day, but I sure as hell did not need to come home to THAT mess. So out comes the shop vac to clean up the mounds of dirt and worms that are all over my living room. I email my husband and ask him to pick me up some Whiskey. I promised him a blow job if he did, I got an immediate phone call confirming my alcohol order (he's such a cheap whore!). At least I will have a nice buzz for when I watch my boys tonight.
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GO'N TO THE CHAPEL..............
Had a riot of a time last night going through bridal books with Lili & the girls. Venus was ALL hopped up on cold meds. She had a roll of tolit paper next to her to blow her nose through out the night. Now I've never seen Venus drunk, she does not drink. So seeing how she was on these cold meds was a fucking riot. What REALLY scared me though, we actually agreed on a lot of the dresses we looked at. Lili and I often like the same things in life, except of course wedding stuff. We had to laugh, she likes it simple and elegant. I like it big, guady and sparkly. So, so far on my social calander I have 2 weddings this summer and my 20 year highschool reunion this winter. Party time!
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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
FINALLY! SOME ANSWERS!
Just hung up with the vet, Jack does infact have MG. He will be on meds for 6 mths. He comes home tomorrow, thank Goddess. Samwise is pissed off that Jack is not here. Yesterday he ate one of my Tarot books!! I went riding today and that was hard. I started crying as I walked down the barn isle to get my horse. Jack was not running around and eating piles of horse shit. I couldn't go out on trail, it would of been to hard emotionally for me. So we just did arena work. I almost had to smack the shit out of some dumb broad who desperately needed it. I gave her "the look", she felt it all the way over in the other area where she had so rudely turned her horse out. I had to stop the work I was doing on my horse because she had turned out hers and was chasing it about and making noises while she did it. Now on a calm horse, that can be a problem. They see some other horse "fleeing" from something scary, so they too want to run off. Now if you are on a total fruit cake like I ride. YOU end up in emergency because your horse WILL take off and dump your ass in the process. Once the trainer's assistant came in she was all "oh, is it okay if I turn out?" How about NO YOU STUPID FUCKING DUMB ASS CUNT?! I told her it was not and she had the nerve to say "oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you riding already, I'll leave". Yeah you do that bitch. I threw out a few choice words to Amy the assitant on how that girl was full of shit. I'm sure the girl heard me. I'm not one to keep my voice down when I'm pissed. Oh hell, who the fuck am I kidding? I'm not the silent type at all.
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AND THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP.............
Last night we went to see my niece Lisa play her sax in a spring recital. We brought Pudd'n and he sat like an ANGEL through out everything. He clapped when I asked him too and he was just so damn cute sitting there checking everything out. We took separate cars in case it was too much for him. We are so proud of all the progress he has made over the years.
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
My mother.
My mom rocks, there is no doubt about it. She used to ride a triumph in her younger day around Detroit. She raised me with out a penny from my father. She gave me everything my heart desired and more. She gave me everything she did not have herself as a child. The most precious gift she gave me is her unconditional love. If you think her birthcontrol advice was hilarious, let me tell you something even more funny. My mom works in a gay bar, every one loves her because she is a warm & generous person. One day this guy walks in from off of the beach, he is only wearing a thong. He asks the bar tender if he can eat in the restaurant this way. The bartender say "no, it's against health regulations". So, right there in the door way, the guy takes off his thong and puts on some shorts. My mom comes out from the kitchen and the bartender says: Bartender: Violet! You missed it! My mom: What? thong man: "this!" To when my mom turns around to look at him, he is standing there naked. But she notices there is something around the man's dick. She squints and looks a little closer. Pointing she says "What's that?" Bartender: That's a cock ring My mom: a cock ring? What's that for? Bartender: it's to keep your dick hard. My mom: Really? In my house we call that my mouth.
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Monday, April 26, 2004
No word as of yet on Jack. The waiting sucks. I am doing a better emotionally now than what I was this morning. A nap, a good cry, a great fuck and my mom's comfort food made everything all better. My mom did some major cleaning out of her closets. She found some old photos of me and a few of her. The photos she has of when I was a teenager. Even then I had big boobies, the photos are of me and an old boyfriend MG. MG was the guy that deflowered yours truly. I didn't share this with my mom. Even though her birth control advice to me was "Maeve, your throat won't get pregnant", she still did not want to know I was doing the wild thing at such a young age.
We have to go to Cost Co/Sam's club to get Pudd'n a new vcr. He's killed yet another one. I think I will pick myself up a bottle of wine. I am hoping they will have a yoga for stress relief on CD there. Until then, thanks for listening to me whine & rant. It has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster this week.
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Thank you all for your thoughts & hugs. Jack is at the specialist right now. I had to fashion a muzzle to get him loaded up into the car. My dog has never growled at me, so I knew he had to be VERY uncomfortable. I packed a pillow case from one of our pillows to put in his kennel to help him while he waited for the vet. We are hoping that he is just going to have to be confined for a while longer and then he'll be better. When I find out more I will post it.
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Sunday, April 25, 2004
Just when you think things are going to be ok, the universe dumps a shit load of crap on you. "OOOOOh, feeling good? Feeling positive? Looking at the silver lining?". Well don't bother, your life is fucked and that is just the way it is going to stay.
Jack is not doing too good right now. He was doing great the first 24 hours of being home. Eating and moving well. Now he can barely stand and won't go out to go potty. Issues with the van are cropping up. I won't even go into those. At work I asked for "signs" that every thing was going to be ok, I got two different distinct ones. But I still felt the black cloud of depression suffocating me. I try to be a good mother, wife and friend. I try and look for the "every day" magic of things, I try to have a positive out look. I try and I try and I try. I am so tired of it all.
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Saturday, April 24, 2004
JACK IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vet called us today and said that Jack was walking on his own (as long as it is not tile surface). Steve went to pick him up while I took Pudd'n to the pool. It was so good to see him when he got home. If the dog did not have a huge line of staples running down his back, you would not know he just had major surgery! We are doing our best to keep Jack & Sam separated. They want to play so bad. My mother in law picked up Bart and brought him over. Bart, Lisa and Pudd'n went to the pool and played. Lucky Pudd'n. Going to the pool 2x in one day. What is REALLY cool is that this year Pudd'n is diving to get a pool toy. Usually he uses his toes to pick up the toy from the bottom of the pool. He even threw it to the 4 1/2 foot area and dove for it. I am so proud of him. Steve rounded up the kids and they all went with me to work. I got them dinner and fed them on the patio before my shift. Pudd'n is doing SO good. It was like we were "a normal" family. Heh heh, Steve said if we ever had a daughter, we could name her "Abbey", her middle name would be "normal". "Abbey Normal", get it?
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Friday, April 23, 2004
What a day.
I was an emotional wreak for most of it. I was in a dark funk that I could not shake. I miss my dog very much and just every day mundane things were bogging me down. I called Spaz and cried on her shoulder via telephone. I felt a little better and went on with my day. Tomorrow is the community garage sale. I got TWO van loads of shit from my mom's house. Where she had all this crap, I do not know. The money I'll make off of it, I'll buy Pudd'n a new puzzle. My niece wanted to stay the night and help us with the garage sale. She brought her kitten Spunky with her (a.k.a. "you little shit, knock it off) (the cat, not my niece). Dee Dee was happy to see Spunky, but a little intimidated because now Spunky is bigger than her. Sam wants to play, but Spunky is not too sure of him. So round & round they all go. By tomorrow they should be best of friends again. Work was insane. Everyone came in at the same time. Enzo started singing and the place was jumping. Towards the end of my shift, I got to dance. Now when it comes to "dancing" to the crap they have playing now a days (boy I sound old). I can't do it. But give me the swing, fox trot, waltz and box step and Maeve is a dancing fool. One of our regular customers grabbed me for the swing and off we went. Once he realized that I knew what I was doing, he whipped me around the dance floor. Everyone was clapping and cheering for us. Yes, your serving wench can dance! I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the swing. I did a bit of the tango too on my way out the door with take out food and a bottle of wine. STILL waiting for Athena (hint hint) to post pictures on her blog site of the drag show. Lili at "Flights of Fancy" put in her two cents on the evening. I will have to start squirreling away money for the next show. I just love going there. For 2 whole hours I get peace of mind. The mundane world is gone and I'm laughing my ass off. The costumes are spectacular and it's fun trying to guess "where the hell do they put their penis?!"
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Jack will not be home today. We can pick him up on Monday. The specialist is not convinced that Jack does not have MG also. We'll just have to wait & see I guess. I miss him a lot. The house is way too quiet with out him. Dee Dee no longer runs to the front gate to bark at nothing. Sam misses him too, no one to wrestle around with. It is hard to keep a positive out look.
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
Where do I begin?
Venus & Dru picked me up, I'd already had a head start on the drinking. My goal was to get drunk. That is an easy goal to achieve. We got there and ordered up some dinner. Athena met us for dinner and so did some of Venus & Dru's friends. We squealed with delight when "the girls" came in. Much to our delight, Delta was performing. I went back into the kitchen to talk Hunter into letting me snap some photos, as I figured, he was a no go, but the other girls said "yes". Lili and her brother Kevin showed up and that's when it started to get crazy. The Queens just LOVE Kevin, so do we much to the disgust of Lili. I managed to lift Venus's skirt and snap off a photo, that was a start of us snapping off more crazy photos. Lili's man C finally made his appearance. The show started and man was it a riot. Hunter came out doing his "it's my life" number. He hold a box of Life cereal, eats it and throws it about. He kept pulling Kevin's head back, put a piece of cereal on Kevin's head and would eat it off. Hunter threw some down Dru's cleavage and fed a few of us. It really was quiet a blur last night. We laughed our selves silly. For different "takes" on the evening I would sudgest reading "Flights of Fancy", "Aphrodite", "Athena" and "Her face is heavenly". There was about 15 of us, each doing our own thing, but still together. I can't keep a train of thought right now. 3rd period of my hockey game is on.
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I am too drunk to blogg, Athena will get incriminating photos tomrrow and post them on her web site. Unfortunatly, I ran out of disks by the time she whipped her bra off and gyrated on top of the bar.
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
FUCK YOU BITCH..............
Oh yeah, drag show tonight! Cannot wait to get together with my Beotches! Got my $$$ bills ready. I'm debating on the digital camera, Hunter HATES having his photo taken. Hope Delta will be there and do the "Xtina" impersonation. (Very LARGE man in thong & chaps dressed up like Christina Agulaira). I am going to go take a nap so I will be ready for tonight! Thank you Venus & Dru for driving me!!!!!
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If any one is looking for a good cause to donate money to, see my link for "Surf camp for Autistic kids".
Summer is coming up and these wonderful people take Autistic children out surfing for the day. It runs all summer long and some times they even have a camp out. They do not charge for this wonderful experience. All the pro surfers donate their time to bring smiles to these kids. It is really neat to have a beach full of these wonderful, yet challenging children. It's nice for me because no one gives me the "stink eye" of "what's wrong with YOUR kid"? Pudd'n blends right in and he has a great time (plus some of those surfers are damn cute!). So if you have a few bucks to spare, please consider this great organization.
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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My husband rocks.
He is as tired and emotionally drained as I am and he has gone out to get me nachos & a movie.
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UPDATE.
We took Jack into our normal vet. He diagnosed one of 2 things. Either Jack had a spontaneous hernated disk, or his spin had a "mini seizure". Any way you looked at it, Jack needed a specialist. Dr. A called the specialist and they were able to see us. After waiting 4 hours (the last hour with pudd'n in tow) we finally saw the specialist. He also said that Jack could have a disorder known as "MG" (I'm not going to spell it out). There is a thick lining around his esopogus, the past vomiting and the current drool coming (in rivers) out of his mouth could also be a possibility. It affects the nerves and could cause the paralysis in his back end. Jack is still at the specialist, they are running tests to figure out what it is. We will know more tomorrow. Right now I have an appointment with a 6 pack and bottle of wine. I don't want to be late, so I think I'll have a few right now. I'm going to NEED tomorrow night's drag show. Thank Goddess Venus is driving my sorry ass.
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AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING.
The commercial was a success and a lot of fun to make. I can't wait to see the end product. I'd blog more about it, but there is something wrong with my dog Jack (the one who has the REALLY bad gas). He was walking kind of funny yesterday, I chalked it up to the fact he's old and is always wrestling with the puppy. By late afternoon, Jack was not walking at all and panting. Steve took him to the emergency vet since ours was booked up. They took x-rays and the out come does not look good. We are going to our vet today for a 2nd opinion. But I know we are going to hear the same thing. Jack will probably need an operation on his back. Life just fucking sucks right now. First Toezer and now my beloved "gooby dog".
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Sunday, April 18, 2004
The commercial for the restaurant will be shown on CNN, TBS, "E" and The Food channel. It should be out the first week of May. A talent agency will see my dangerous curves, my big boobs and my slut red lips and want me as their next lingerie model. I will make millions of dollars, get pudd'n the finest therapy and we will live in an awesome home on the beach, so pudd'n can play in the ocean to his heart's content. Yep, Iam going from serving wench to pin up girl.
Hey, it's my fantasy......Humor me.
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Saturday, April 17, 2004
This test was a no brainer!
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SLUTS R US.
Was chatting with the other girls on what to wear on Monday for our big "debute". Slappy said we could wear black shirts instead of our ugly blue ones. Suhweeeeeeeeet! Maeve has a nice low cut black shirt she can wear (with push up bra of course). I'll make sure to wear my signature "slut red lipstick" too. My boys stomped all over poor Nashville. Lucky for me, they would of gone to game 7 on Monday and that is when we are filming. I always feel bad for the losing team, they work so hard to get the cup. I remember last year some of the men on Ottawa just breaking down and crying afte losing to the Devils.
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Friday, April 16, 2004
OOOOooo I could of had a date! LOL
grmmercer: hiya irishwhiskey66: hello grmmercer: u lookin great irishwhiskey66: thanks grmmercer: i feel good, had a few grmmercer: u too? irishwhiskey66: yeah me too irishwhiskey66: having some wine, relaxing from work. grmmercer: u like the net grmmercer: yahoo? irishwhiskey66: yeah sure, I can chat with my girlfriends and save $$ on the phone bill grmmercer: im bi m, u bi f? irishwhiskey66: huh? irishwhiskey66: uh NO grmmercer: ooops grmmercer: u have a lover? irishwhiskey66: no, I'm MARRIED.
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A STAR IS BORN.
This Monday my boss if filming a commercial for the restaurant. So for those of you who have Cox (heh, heh, "cox") channel 3 you can see yours truly on t.v. I offered to wear my low cut red top to help boost ratings and customers. Slappy thought it was a good idea. Wouldn't he just shit if I did walk in wearing that top??
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I just filled out the questioners for my 20th high school reunion. Lissie and I will be going. We will probably camp out in my dad's basement (like we did when we were teenagers). I noticed that they will be having an open bar. I told Lissie that I call "designated drunk"!!! Maybe we'll just get a hotel room (like at prom) or I'll have my dad drive us (ugh, like high school again only 20 years later). Either way I am geeked.
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My boys stomped ALLLLLLLLLL over Nashville last night. I had to miss 2nd period and part of the 3rd. Samwise was graduating from puppy class. He was the only one that got 100% right on all the "tests". Of course I was using fresh turkey gizzerds as "rewards". Pudd'n and I have the day together. What shall we do?
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
There is nothing more disturbing than a white woman "chair dancing" in her mini van while rocking out to Lil' Kim.
Yes folks, I'm sure I looked like an ass while driving around today, but I don't give a shit. The CD Lili made was awesome. Unfortunately the music & lyrics started to get me horney. I start to picture a Shanny & Capt. Jack Sparrow sandwich with a side of Kevin. I'm starting to get all misty *down there* and cursing the fact that I have to go to work. Well that all changed with the next song. Do you remember back in the 80's that Prince tune "Little Nikki"? I threw the song in there for old times sake. But then I started thinking.... "Hey, didn't Adam Sandler make a movie called "Little Nicky"? Why yes he did.......I then get this image of Adam Sandler dressed as little Nicky and he's doing the bump & grind a long with the song. Ugh! It gets WORSE folks! I'm picturing him in a SPEEDO doing this. I am totally repulsed and find that I'm not so horney any more. I need some serious sleep........ IT IS NOT WITH IN ME TO BE SILENT. I stole that from the title of Paul's blog spot. As most of you know, yours truly has a big mouth and I know how to use it. I was standing around with 2 aids and a OT therapist. Some how the subject of "gay marriages" came up. The aid were against it, and this of course made me see "red". People with closed minds need to keep their big fat yaps SHUT. One of the aids made the lame ass comment "Well, same sex people can't consummate the marriage and if you can't do that, then it's not a real marriage". Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyy riiiiiiiiight. I told her "Well what about people who CAN'T have sex for medical reasons or other wise? Does that mean that they are not truly married? You can't base a marriage on sex alone. You need two committed, loving people that are ready to be together through thick & thin. It's the celebrates that make a mockery out of marriage. They do it at the drop of a hat and divorce just as quick". Well that shut her up and she left, the OT leaned into me and said "She's a Christian, I agree whole heartedly with you, but I keep my opinions to myself since I have to work every day with them". That's ok honey, you do that. I'm going to speak up. Healthy eating (sort of) During snack time the past two days I've munched on fruit & almonds. One of the aids made the remark on my "wonderful" eating habits. I burst her bubble when I told her: "I had a whopper for breakfast and plan on a bottle of wine for dinner. This just balances out, sort of". Speaking of which, I think I'll go pour me a glass right now. Over and out!
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3:30 am wake up calls SUCK.
Yep, pudd'n got us up at 3:30 am. No clue as to what got him up. All I know is that I woke up to him laughing next to me (he sleeps in our bed). So, to what ever dead relative woke him up, THANKS! Next time, please tell my kid a joke during NORMAL waking hours! "The Witching hour" is NOT a good time! I think I'll stop by the store and pick up a case of diet Red Bull to drink down. I'm suppose to sub today. My boys had better kick some Nashville butt tonight. If they lose, I wonder if I can find Shanahan to console him. I can think up a few things to "lift" his spirits. I wonder if he wears speedos? hmmmmmmm......
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
What a great time I had at Lili's tonight. The take out food, the music, the company. It rocked. We made some incense, can't wait to use mine. We talked about anything and everything sexual. The wangage, the multiple orgasms, the toys.......everything. Lili was kind enough to burn some CD's for me & Ms.Venus. My favorite part was looking at a photo of Kevin (Lili's HOT brother), he was sitting down with his legs open and he was wearing drawstring type pants. Sweats maybe? Any way, I SWEAR I could see his package out lined in his pants. Venus & Dru grabbed the photo and backed me up. I think Lili was ready to lose her supper.
I cannot wait for the drag show next week. It is going to be a RIOT!
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Pudd'n is just having WAY too much fun on spring break. I took him to Grandma land so I could sub today. We get to the apt., pudd'n whips off his clothes and jumps in bed with Grandma. He's got a shit eating grin on his face as he plumps the pillows and reaches for the remote. When I came to pick him up, they met me by the elevator. It opened up and he saw me standing there. Pudd'n got a huge smile on his face and then gave me a big hug. Talk about my heart melting with joy. He's such a snuggle bug.
Stopped by the Crystal Cave to pick up supplies for tonight. I just about orgasm over all the herbs & oils they carry. So many spells to work, so little time. On our way out I always stop at the liquor store to get pudd'n a treat for not knocking down something in Crystal Cave. I noticed a sign that said "Buy two bottles of wine, get the 3rd for a penny". Oh yeah, I was ALL over that shit!
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Who ever thinks that autistic kids are "out of it" or "don't know what is going on". They are sadly mistaken. Pudd'n is throwing a very good tantrum because I will not give him any more candy. The kid has had MORE than enough. So when the "crying" would not break me............he goes into his bed room and obsessively opens & closes the door. He KNOWS this drives me bat shit. I'm sitting here, trying to keep my temper in check. He will not win this one. It never ceases to amaze me how long this kid will keep up a tantrum too. I won the battle of the door, I just ignored it, but I can still hear him carrying on like I beat the shit out of him or something. All this because I said "no". Ugh.
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Ahhhhhhhh day two of sleeping in until 7 am. Yep, that is sleeping in at my house! I have to sub on wed & thurs, so I am relishing the days I do get to lazily wake up. Tonight my boys had better wup some Nashville butt!
Yesterday I stopped by Omar's exotic birds to kill some time before an appointment. I figured I'd play with one of the smaller birds this time. Right up front was an Umbrella Cockatoo. He was just a baby and BEAUTIFUL!! He hopped right on my arm and went straight for the brand new crystal chandelier earrings I just bought. Oh no, no! NOT the earrings! I managed to dislodge it from his beak and hid the earring in my other hand. The bird then proceeds to try and stow away in my purse. I'm hoping he does not take a big shit in it. What a snuggle bug he was, he loved to be held and scratched under his wing. If I had $1,400 to blow, I would of bought him (mind you, that was just the price of the BIRD. I'd hate to see the grand total after cage & accessories!). I regretfully put him back on his perch and made my way to the doctor's office (checking my back & shoulder for bird shit on my way out).
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Monday, April 12, 2004
Yesterday was a blast. Well it was until my boys lost 3-1 and then I had to go into work. I did get out of work early though, so that was a bonus. I felt bad for leaving Terri there, but I've put in MY dues there. She can stand around waiting for slappy to come and close the joint.
We did our annual Easter Brunch at a fabulous restaurant, it is a fundraiser for R.U.F.F. (rescuing furried friends, you can view their site on my links page). It was all you could drink..........errrrrrrr I mean eat champane brunch. They have silent auctions, you can bring your pets, dancing, music and a few other booths. I always get my jewerly there, Bonnie has some wonderful stuff. I am disappointed though, she used to get some really nice semi precious stones in and made wonderful necklaces & earring out of them. She had a few moon stones this year, but nothing to make me get excited. I did get two pretty pairs of crystal earrings. The more they sparkle, the better in my opinion. Bart & Lisa helped us with the dogs. Poor Bart's arm was pulled out of his socket by jack. There we lot of Goldens there, Sam looked so cute with them. Pudd'n had gone to Grandma land, he does not do restaurants at all. So every one was happy. Now we get to look forward to the Thanksgiving fundraiser. The food is FABULOUS!
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Friday, April 09, 2004
GODDESS I LOVE MY BARTENDER AT WORK.
"Maeve, don't forget your diet coke" I look over at Bob, and then it hits....."Oh yeaaaaaaaah, my DIET coke." I take a big sip, it's whiskey with MAYBE splash of diet coke in it. Yeah, Bob is getting a big tip tonight. Had a great time with Pudd'n and his class mates. They got a kick out of feeding the ducks. I started to get excited because the ducks came up on land to eat around our feet. They normally just stay in the water and keep their distance. So I start thinking "oh wow, maybe they know that these little boys are "special" and they are coming closer than normal". Then it hits me "well DUH! You don't have 3 dogs in tow dumbass!". No one ever said I was the sharpest tool in the shed.
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Going to spend the mornig with Pudd'n and his Autistic classmates. We are riding the bus to the local park to walk around and play on the play grounds. They have lovely lakes at this park and lots of ducks & two HUGE geese. I picked up some duck food from the local feed store, I hope none of the kids fall in the pond.
TOOO COOL!! Pudd'n just came up and let me know he wanted my undivided attension. I followed him to his room to where he said: "Mumma I" and he pointed to the tv set. Now mind you, the kid can turn it on himself. He's going through this phase of wanting us to help him. Okay, fine, I'll help you but you are going to have to start using language to ask for that help. This is the first morning he actually started to ask for what he wanted with out being prompted. He put two words together! I'm so proud of my baby!! Before I know it he'll be saying "goddamn it Jack, knock it off!" *wiping a tear of joy from my eye*
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
I found out today that my step brother is suppose to get married next week in a civil ceremony. I'll believe it when it happens. Idiot boy #2 talks a lot of shit. According to my step sister, the bride to be has more mental issues than Idiot boy #2, so hey! It is a match made in heaven! Apparently, she won't move in with him before getting married (but it's okay to fuck his brains out this entire time). I met the bride to be a few weeks ago for the first time on the way to a hockey game.
Me: So how long have you been dating? b.t.b: We've been dating a year. Some mutual friends set us up. Brad is my BEST friend. (at this point Steve & I look at each other and start cracking up) Me: Don't worry honey, those feelings will pass REAL soon. Ah yes, love is blind and marriage is a REAL eye opener! Steve and I have been cracking up over that little conversation for some time now. It has replaced "Married men don't kiss their wives like that!" (taken from Dogma's scene with Matt & Ben riding in a bus). A week and a half to go before the drag show. Can't wait, it is going to be fun as always! I just love the costumes. Hopefully Kevin will be there, we get served MUCH faster when that hot man is with us. Plus it is always nice to up date my fantasies of him. RRRRRRRRRRRRRoooooowwwwwRRRRRRRRrr!
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Every Thurs mornings I help out in Pudd'ns class room. I usually just cut up stuff for the kids to make projects out of later. Well today I'm suppose to cut up this box and then contact paper it. By the time I was done, the box looked like it was papered by one of the students. Not a student's mother. I was sitting at the desk, wrestling with the contact paper and all I could think was "and the state of Calif. trusts me driving a vehicle?" I can't even paper this box properly! Tomorrow I am going with the class to the local park. I'll pick up some duck food to feed the ducks. Should be a fun morning.
Last night's ritual was really nice. Fresh flowers on the alter and pretty "egg" candles about. Part of the ritual last night was planting some seeds in a pot. The seeds represent something we wanted to bring about in our lives. All I could think was "great, another pot of plants for Samwise to drag through the dog door". What really cracked me up was some dumb broad actually FLIRTING with the high Priestess' boyfriend. Now there is "flirting" and then there is "FLIRTING". All I could think was "lady, not only is the high priestess a Scorpio, you just DON'T do that!" Brad is social and friendly to everyone. This dumb lady actually thinks other wise. Well it is almost time for me to go and get the love of my life (pudd'n). Today is "grandma land" day, so it looks like I get an afternoon nap in before puppy class.
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Fucking Goat Puppy............
Yes, Samwise is at it again. We had a bag of river rocks we WERE going to return to Lowe's. I walk in and lo and behold. He's chewed several holes in the bag and there are rocks every where. Never mind the brand new bag o' toys I just bought him. Forget all the chew bones and the fact he's got the old fart (literally) dog to play with. NOOOOOOOOOOO, that's not good enough! We must chew and distroy!
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MEMORIES, IN THE COBWEBS OF MY MIND
About this time last year, I was on my way to Sin City to meet up with some friends from my home town. We've been doing this for 3 years now, well with the exception of this year. Spaz's niece got married in Mexico this year, so there went Spaz's traveling money. I told her that she had 2 more nieces to watch get married, but alas, she did not relent and here I sit pouting that I won't be able to party with her. I LOVE Vegas. Eat, sleep, shop and of course DRINK. Some of my fond memories of last year are: 1. Spaz deciding that she did not want to wear her thong at the last minute, I grabbed it from her and hurled it over the side of the balcony. I was trying to hit the food court below, but there was not enough weight to it and it landed on the roof (we were at the Luxor) 2. The Russian cab driver in the run down cab. He drove us through all the back streets at a high speed, bad breaks and no shocks. All the while yelling that Ana Kornakova was a WHORE. "What do these men see in that blonde whore? Me, I like them DARK with curves" (as he eye balls us in the back of the cab). 3. Embarrassing the hell out of Spaz. She saw a cute security cop and made the mistake of mentioning it in front of Bables. Babs grabs "officer Barbrady" and asks if he would pose for a photo op with Ms. Spaz 4. Cheesecake factory. Our table was right by the stairs that led up to the bathroom. Spaz was worried that you could see up her dress as she walked up. We grabbed every waiter we could and made them stand by our table while we asked if they would give an opinion if they could see up her dress as she made her way down. I yell out "Damn woman, cut the string on that tampon!". Ah yes, just a few fond memories. I want to go again. I need to go again. Lili needs to plan a work trip out there again. But this time we'll have to rely on Venus giving us cheap thrills for wild sexcapades. Lili is in love. Step up to the plate Venus! Let's goooooooooooooooooooo!
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004
I hate the fucking time change. I'd move to Arizona, but can't take the heat. No oceans either, Pudd'n needs his ocean to play in. Maybe it's the half liter of diet coke I just drank that is keeping me up. Now if I had some whiskey to put in with the diet coke, I would not be having this problem. Ugh, I think I'll try meditating.
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I think I am going to die. Jack (my dog) won't stop farting. How the hell am I suppose to drive the van with him in it today? My eyes will water and we will crash in a firey heap all because of noxious fumes. Hell, we'll be dead before the flames takes us. The smell alone is enough to kill you!!!
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I get a note in my son's school bag asking for boiled eggs for the kids to color when the three "special day classes" get together for their "spring celebration". Being the team player I am, I boil up a dozen last night. On the way out to the magic bus, I drop the damn things!! Lucky for me, my "potty mouth" filter was on (kids are on their way to school). It was so nice to present my contribution to the teacher. Fuck.
I went to target and bought the rest of the stuff they asked for the party, at least I didn't screw that one up.
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Monday, April 05, 2004
I was visiting a friends site and she had this to say about her self when a good looking man would pay her attendsion:
"And I'm not what you'd call flashy or simple... So I can't imagine I'd actually be the pick of the litter." It made me think of the time when some one said to me "but you can get any man you want" to where I told that person "what crack are you smoking and can I have some?". Why is it we cannot see our own beauty? Why do we look at our imagined flaws? Instead of looking in the mirror and saying "ew, I wish I could change this or that" why don't we say "hey beautiful!" or "hey sexay". My friend Spaz complains of a TEENY roll in her belly when she sits down. I don't see that roll, all I see is a woman with a flat stomach and a cute belly ring. She feels she'd be more attractive with bigger breasts. Personally, in my opinion, what men find most attractive is CONFIDENCE. Who wants to hang around when all you do is whine about how your breast are not big enough or your butt is too big. Keep harping on your imaginary flaws girls, and that is what the men will start to notice! I thought I'd write a little list of things that I find attractive of my friends, so here they are in no particular order: Spaz: You have beautiful brown eyes, your smile lights up a room, your arms are killer, you are a great dancer and you are the life of the party. Lili: You ooze sex appeal. Your black hair & blue eyes rock! You are a true friend and are kind & generous. You also dance damn good. Lissie: You are a true classy lady. Your clothes & accessories are envious. Your smile lights up a room and you have an ass that won't quit. Venus: Damn you smell good! Grow some cajones and you too, will have as many conquests as Lili. You are smart, sexy and funny. I'd say you are the best dancer of all my friends. Athena: I'd love to run my fingers through your thick, black silky hair (but am afraid Aussie will break my hand). You can see all sides to a problem and always come out with good advice. You are patient and kind. You have soft brown pretty eyes too. Aussie: You get extra points for putting up with Athena. You have beautiful blue eyes with long lashes I'd kill for. Your complexion is flawless, keep it out of the sun! You have an old soul and feel deeply. Saga: The money I could make off of you! Your long blond hair & blue eyes are to die for. You are smart, sexy and have quick whit & humor. You also know how to work a cucumber with that mouth of yours! Kari: Another blond beauty. Your kind heart shines through. You are a true and loyal friend. I could dress you up as a catholic school girl and saga as Alice in wonderland and make some serious money!!! You also have a sweet shy smile and you are very huggable. Bables: where the hell do I begin? You have laughing, sparkling eyes. Your kind heart and generosity knows no bounds. It has been a true privilege to call you my friend. Dru: I've only met you, but I love the way you dress impeccably. Your smile lights up the place and you are very photogenic. You also carry a killer purse. So there you have it. A bit of ramblings on what I like about some of the friends in my life.
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Yeah, I rock........
You Are a Super Flirt!You have almost every guy under your spell, and you totally work a room You can charm almost anyone you desire - including your friends men Sometimes your flirty ways arouse jealousy from others, but it's all in fun You secertly crave another super flirt who will put you to the test What Kind of Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
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Do Pets Reincarnate?
I used to have the pleasure of "babysitting" a golden retriever named "Shadow" when pudd'n was a baby. Pudd'n took to Shadow like a duck to water. We lived next door to a lovely English lady named Maggie and she in turn would baby sit pudd'n for us. Shadow was a big red golden and Pudd'n LOVED her. He'd crawl all over her and they'd share dog biscuits. Jack loved Shadow too, although she was too over weight to wrestle about the house. But they would hang out none the less and loved to go for walks together. Shadow passed away 3 years ago. It broke our hearts, she was the first dog to that pudd'n loved. She was gentle & kind. I've been noticing lately that Samwise has a lot of similar traits that Shadow possessed. Are these just traits that all goldens have? Or did we get lucky in the wheel of karma and we've got our beloved Shadow back? I've never owned a golden before, so I'm not sure. I know when the day comes and I have to get a new Aussie dog, I will know that they will all be hyper as shit until they at least reach 11 years old. They all like to heard and they are smart & loyal. Some of the traits of Samwise/Shadow that I have noticed: 1. "hops" up & down when you get food dish ready 2. Voracious eater 3. Will go and lay in puddles of water or sit in the middle of yard with sprinklers on 4. Always sits down when you brush him. No matter how many times you pull his butt up and tell him "stand", he sits. 5. Most important, he loves Pudd'n. I don't know if these few traits qualify for reincarnation. Sam is still young and it will be fun to see how his personality unfolds. I'll have to get Maggie over here to see what she thinks. She already thinks "I'm daft" with out having to bring this up. ;)
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Sunday, April 04, 2004
The Hard Artist was right..........he probably DID have more fun than me this weekend!
Work just plain old suck hot sweaty ass. I had a total of 4 tables on Sat night. It was better tonight, but I just wasn't feeling all that cheerie to be waiting on tables. My one bright spot was the soccer coaches coming in, they are a hoot. I can't even keep a train of thought going to try and make anything blog worthy. So I guess I'll just go brush the dogs (whoooooohoooooo!).
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