Just when you think things are going to be ok, the universe dumps a shit load of crap on you. "OOOOOh, feeling good? Feeling positive? Looking at the silver lining?". Well don't bother, your life is fucked and that is just the way it is going to stay.
Jack is not doing too good right now. He was doing great the first 24 hours of being home. Eating and moving well. Now he can barely stand and won't go out to go potty. Issues with the van are cropping up. I won't even go into those. At work I asked for "signs" that every thing was going to be ok, I got two different distinct ones. But I still felt the black cloud of depression suffocating me. I try to be a good mother, wife and friend. I try and look for the "every day" magic of things, I try to have a positive out look. I try and I try and I try. I am so tired of it all.