Lissie sent this personal ad to me.
Too bad I'm married, I think I'm in love.............

Maeve. I think this is the guy for you! (IF you were looking..)
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I like women naked with hooker pumps on. Female cops (not the dyke ones) & most waitresses at beer joints, and sometimes UPS women. But NOT Fed Ex women. A man's got to draw the line somewhere, after all. Between work, dogs, acting, and being busy, I get to actually ride my Indian Motorcycle only a few times during the week here in Austin. I make a "vroom vroom" sound with my mouth when I ride, too, so listen for it. I'm 47-but all of my 3 friends say I don't look a day over 45. Good genetics, I guess, although admittedly all of my friends have pretty bad vision. Come to think of it, they lie like hell too. But, like the famous saying goes: A man with three blind, lying friends can always (or maybe it was can never) say or do...Something, something, something, etc. Anyway, I read it inside a Snapple cap- or was it on the side of a Mike's Hard Lemonade bottle? I often confuse the two. It makes me popular at the office, but an HR nightmare. But I digress...I have all my own teeth, a nipple ring, (why the fuck did I do that??) have never been CONVICTED of a crime (heh heh, CONVICTED), and I don't trust people who don't eat sushi to save my life- although I don't pass judgment on those who don't (Luby's eating pussies) Fuzzy kittens are my favorite things-especially with hot wings sauce. Yum. If asked, people usually describe me as "That guy standing over there"- unless I'm sitting, in which case, obviously, it becomes "That guy sitting over there". I like to mix it up to keep people off balance. I'm quirky that way. I play pool sometimes and have been told that although my bank shots suck, but...I love killer racks- hehehe.... ?? I've got a devious, retributive mean streak, with no sense of humor. I am as comfortable wearing a tux as I am wearing a ball gag with leather wrist and ankle restraints. I do a great Indian accent when I'm slitty eyed drunk. Those are my good qualities. My bad ones far outnumber them in both quantity and significance. However, revisit the "rack" comment...One day I'd like to try snowboarding, male pole dancing, and ending world hunger. The next day, I'll rest. I'm trying to pace myself. I dig the Weather Channel, I type fast, and sometimes I watch Mr. Ed reruns on Telemundo, just for yucks. Floyd the Barber on Mayberry is my role model. I don't mind a woman who likes to play mind games-especially ones like Battleship or Operation, but ones like Mousetrap get too messy and clutter my mind, so I guess I should say SOME mind games welcome. Movies? I like the classics- like Joe Dirt, Caddyshack, Borate and Casino Royale. Friggn sweet. Like I've said a billion times, I don't like exaggerations. I also think liars and mean people suck. Seriously. Brushes with fame? I was in a elevator with Ozzy many years ago- nice guy. We actually didn't even say a thing. But I heard him, and he heard me. Also, when I was on a flight to London this past summer I touched Jerry Springer, who was in my cabin. He was asleep at the time (I know...kinda creepy, but it still counts), so I have his DNA in a petri dish. In case any of you recreational chemists out there want to hook up with me in my evil plan to take over the world by cloning Jerry Springers. Truth be told, I really don't want to take over the world, but MAN, I would give my eye teeth to commandeer a fire truck and make it mine, all mine. Muuuuaaaahhhh......Anyhoo, my mom said I'm 'special' and her coven agrees. I may have ADHD, wanna rides bikes?? Don't say you weren't warned...