Why did Maeve have to say my mind was twisted?

I'm not twisted like her ass.

I'm just a sweet little ole' Christian from Georgia. I mean you won't never hear me discussing such tawdry topics like; fucking, giving blowjobs, guzzling back some whiskey. Oh no honey. Not me. I was raised better than that. I would never dare dream of being such a fucking foul mouthed hussy. Not me babycakes...ain't no Gawd damn way in hell I would ever talk such trash.

(Hmmm...wonder if I'll go to hell for that one.)

Seriously though...according to my Granny Frances and her beliefs we all can do pretty much do whatever in the hell we want to. That's what she used to tell me. Not in those exact words mind you but that was pretty much the jist of it. She told me once that as long as you don't steal or kill nobody you'd get your ticket to Heaven.

We're not Catholics or nothing and I used to think they had a pretty good deal with God but I like my Granny's notion alot better. I mean just in case there is a Heaven and Hell. Ya know....gotta be 100% sure don't ya?

My Granny left this world a few years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her something fierce. I remember one time when I was real little, I asked her if she was afraid to go to Hell. I thought the woman was gonna slap my teeth right out of my mouth. She told me she had never heard such crazy talk before and that's when she informed ME that she was going to heaven because she didn't steal and she hadn't never killed no one....yet.

Soo...I'm thinking about it right?

Let's see if I got this straight...according to Frances that is.

* Drinking Alcohol: It's Okay. We can do that. It is not a sin.
* Smoking Cigarettes: Sure! Why not?
* Drug Usage: I think we'd probably all be in a better mood if we did.
* Sleeping around out of wedlock: Well...why the hell not?
* Homosexuals: Just more folks getting some love right?
* Interracial Relationships: Just bridging the gaps right there.


Do you see what I'm saying?

I'm living my life the way my Granny taught me to.

I don't steal. I don't hurt nobody but I sure have a good time and I'm pretty sure if there is a Heaven I'll get to enter.

Granny Frances will be up there waiting on me. You'll find me and her in the Smoking Section...there will be a bar and some pretty colorful language going on.

You can even leave your purse laying around 'cause we won't try and steal your wallet.

~Sandy~