Back to work today.
I've enjoyed the 2 weeks off from school. I'd enjoy it more had I gotten some decent sleep. But that is just not going to happen in this life time. I'm having a hard time holding on to any semblance of hope with out some sleep. Everything in your life is just that much more fucked up when you are tired. But then again, it could be that your hopes are dashed in more ways than one over the years to where you just don't give a shit any more. Is this your lot in life? Is it EVER going to get any better than this? You hope that it will, but just never happens. There is not enough food, booze or shopping to fill the great big void you feel in your soul.
You try to be happy for your friends, their lifes & loves and most of all, their "normal" kids. But no matter how much you say you are happy for them, you still taste the bitter dissapointment in your mouth. You still feel cheated. Yesterday it was raining out and there was nothing to do. Do you know how much I would of LOVED to had sat down with my son and played some board games like I used to do when I was his age? The ONLY thing Pudd'n wants to do it sit in front of his tv and watch the same damn scenes over and over again with his favorite movies. Yes, I've tried everything to get him to do something else. He's 9, but has the attension span of a toddler. I'm tired of dragging him (whineing) to places. I'm tired of trying (unsuccessfully) to get him to do something other than sit in front of a tv.
I guess I'm just plain tired of everything right now.