. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

7. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.

8. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

9. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

11. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

12. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

13. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

15. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

16. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

17. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.

18. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

19. I smile because, I don't know what the hell is going on.

Right now I can identify with #3.