Living Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of BOZO politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask
for a __________________ (Sex and a Vodka & Tonic, Cold Beer, Margarita, Bloody Mary, Martini, Rum & Coke, shot of Wild Turkey, etc...you get the idea) it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these Bonehead IDIOTS mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma. They should get back to their regular duties of frivolous spending and piling up massive budget deficits.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for political office, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone. In most all cases, I didn't even vote for them when I was "pre-vegetative" I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell. They should also forfeit any claim to my inheritance, meager though it may be, that they may have.
